Dec and Dad time again
How do we frame this our reality?
Where are we now that defines how we feel?
It’s not what is past or what is to be,
It is the here and now, all that is real.
We cannot change what has been and is done,
Long lost longings lay littering the mind,
Desiring of brighter days washed with sun,
Masks the joy of the moment we may find.
Once stopping these whirring wheels that wither
And letting go of all our clinging needs,
Come back centre not hither and tither,
We will rediscover the dormant seeds
Of our true nature bursting in flower,
Feeling the world’s glory and power.
My weekly outing with a group of like minded friends to cycle and commune around Cockermouth.
Some of you have reached out to me via messenger and chat to me and some of you are reading my page.
This message is for you my love,
If you are one of our beautiful children who have been taught hate, blame, shame and bitterness towards one parent and all that side of the family even including your much loved pets.
It’s not your fault and we don’t blame you.
We know it’s not natural for a child to irrationally hate anyone especially a once much loved parent who you grew up with and shared a close loving bond with.
If you are all grown up now, and finding your own way in the world you’ll know something is not quite right that you carry so much negativity and anger and that it’s not normal to feel the way you do.
Do you know you could turn it around and feel better?
This isn’t your upset and anger to carry.
Hate is a heavy burden.You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for loving your family.
We understand it causes you deep pain to question this and to ask yourself why you feel the uncomfortable way you do.
We know it’s so much easier to simply avoid your childhood friends that still love and adore the Mum or Dad you have no contact with,and to avoid Aunties, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents who you grew up with and were close to.
It’s easier and less painful to go along with it and not question the version of events that you were taught.
We know it’s upsetting to see that all those family members are still as close and loving as they always were and if you took time to think about it you would admit that you miss that and the family that you shared.
You miss the fun and silly times and the happy times and the hugs that helped you to feel better when you were having a bad day.
We understand the bad feelings that you feel when you are with anyone who loves your Mum or Dad or says positive things about them.
You feel so conflicted that you’ve had to avoid and block all of those good people including friends you knew from your childhood.
It’s really tough and painful to think about and to try to understand what happened isn’t it?
Why you severed relationships with those that love you so much and to believe that they still care about you in the same way still.
At the same time isn’t it hard to forget the good, happy, loving memories?
I’m sure you do wonder about it sometimes.
You might try not to think about it, but it’s normal to think about those who loved and were always there for you.
We do understand it takes a huge amount of courage to do that.
Working through your feelings will hurt on so many levels as in many ways you regret the words you’ve said when you were angry and confused yet you still feel so much unresolved hurt and anger.
Perhaps you feel your Mum or Dad abandoned you and how dare they try to reconnect with you after so many years!
Do you have unanswered questions for them and want to clear things up that just don’t seem to add up now you are older?
We won’t discuss the past unless you want answers.
We offer only love forgiveness and understanding.
We only ask for your forgiveness for our mistakes that we made when we were angry and confused and any hurt and pain we caused you.
We want you to be whole, healed, and happy.
For that to happen you need to try to let go of the anger and pain and try to reach out to your Mum or Dad that have always loved you and miss you so much.
We want you to stop hurting and feel whole again.
Tammy Mariposa ❤
Clinging as I do to this jagged rock,
Clothed in darkness borne of dread and fear,
Desperate forces free to run amock
And confound my eyes with stinging tears.
Head is bowed and its spirit broken,
White limbs are naked, stood in pale relief,
Useless pleas now rested, mute, unspoken,
Every sinew is strained with grief.
Blooded toes keeping a jagged purchase
To stop my failing form from falling in.
Realisation begins to surface,
There’s no way out no way I can win.
Iced, beaded water dots my troubled face,
Running chill pervading through every cell,
The agony and anguish of this place,
To which I have no strength to repel.
Soul crushed, emitting my primal cry
Echoing out into the silent black.
There’s nobody there to question why,
But no solace, no comfort coming back.
No will left to continue with this fight,
Devoid of all courage or fortitude,
In my abyss there is no hope, no light,
Only futility and solitude.
As my spirit takes its leave from my soul
All my torment sharper, now converged,
Lost and losing grip I begin to fall
Into the void now I am submerged.
“The dictum that truth always triumphs over persecution is one of the pleasant falsehoods which men repeat after one another till they pass into commonplaces, but which all experience refutes.” -John Stuart Mill